A western millennial…not to mention white and female. I should have nothing to complain about. Yet, here I am…with a big plate of depression and anxiety.
I have never been hard done by. I feel as though I don’t have the right to complain about one single thing in my life. There are people in this world, who face real struggle. Starvation, violence, war, homelessness, life threatening sickness, disabilities…things could be much, much worse…But, thinking about the worlds problems does not erratic my depression. It does not change the way I feel, unfortunately.
I’ve watched documentaries that say western civilization is the most unhappy in the world. I believe it. I feel as if I don’t get a real job I will not find success, I will not find happiness, I will not be at peace. Why is this so heavily imprinted in my mind…in all of our minds?
It makes me sick. Western privilege…having it all but feeling like you have nothing. Is starving of food worse than starving of love? of happiness? Is the term western privilege in itself a privilege?
I think a traumatic experience is what makes one question life most.
Before I went on a “trip of a life time” I was in a really good place, probably the happiest I had ever been…but was this just because I knew my situation was temporary and I was moving? Or was I genuinely happy? I guess we will never know.
I do know, that after leaving for this trip, making a mess of my life and coming home, I’m the saddest I have ever been…but is it because of the trip specifically? Or is it because of my past, my childhood, feeling lost with university ending and having no idea what I want to do with my life? I guess we will never know.
This traumatic experience has brought me to this thought though…is life just a constant cycle of finding happiness, losing it, and then, trying to find it again?
I think this may be true…great…
I’ve started this blog because I literally have no idea what to do with my life, and need an outlet. I have too many thoughts in a day, and realized I should start to write them down.
So, I think this blog is more of an open diary…a working progress…my mind as it as…raw…and probably a little scary at times.